MY TWO CENTS ABOUT REJECTION

Everyone, at some point in their life, faces rejection. Whether it's the school that didn't accept you, the job you've always wanted to have, that loan you badly needed, that vacation leave you've been planning for about a year, the date you were expecting to go somewhere, the apartment you were eyeing on, the invitation you've sent out months before, your written work that was not approved, the audition you didn't get through or even that cab you hailed first - it sucks when you don't get them, right? 

I know that the automatic response would be being resentful or bitter, defensive, passive-aggressive or if you're on a bit of a mellow side, maybe you'll just sit in a corner and cry. Why? Because it's frigging hard to accept rejection. It's hard to accept the fact that even though you tried your best, though you gave everything you've got, you're still not good enough. I get it.

But before you act like it's the end of the world (I swear it's NOT!), please spare me a moment here to give you my two cents about this thing. All my life, I've been dealing with this, and I'm sure you have been as well. You have no idea how many times I was rejected from companies or how many articles I've written before I was able to get few of them published online. See, if I'm taking a break from my blog, I write for Thought Catalog, a Brooklyn-based online magazine. I started submitting my articles to them last year. My very first submission was rejected, so was the second one. But does that mean I have to give up? I wanted to build an online portfolio and I was willing to work hard just to see my name published somewhere. I wanted to share my thoughts, I even want to publish my own book one day. But I take it one step at at time, and I perfectly know that along with those steps there would be a few moments of trampling and possibly quite heavy blows to take...and I was right. It's never easy, no matter how many times you go through it. But this time, I really had some time to think about maybe putting an end to this vicious cycle of crying, sulking and blaming the entire world kinda move after a rejection. 

Here's what I've come up with:

#1 Don't take it personally

Yeah, I know it's hard NOT TO take it personally. After all, it was YOU who got rejected. It means you've probably done something wrong, right? Maybe. But if you know deep in your heart that you have given more than a hundred percent effort, don't you think that is already more than enough? You've got to understand that someone's limit is just someone's starting point. We have different abilities and capabilities. Let's say you didn't get a job because apparently you weren't qualified for it, instead of being mad or sad about not getting it, think of it this way - other people who are not qualified for the job won't get it either. They are not just power-tripping on you! Most companies have a standard and that standard must be met and you didn't. Same goes in finding a romantic partner or auditioning for a role in a play/movie/TV show. Everyone goes through that. Stop playing victim and gradually change your interpretation of 'rejection'. You don't have to be bitter about it, let it fuel you to know yourself better instead which actually leads me to my next point. 

#2 Let it be your motivation

Well, I won't be surprised if this is the last thing you have in your mind after being rejected. Realizing that you don't make the cut, that you are flawed and having someone point that out to you really sucks to the very core. Okay, you're given a few hours, days or weeks to try to get back up with your game face on again, but hopefully not longer than that. Why? Because time is precious my friend! The longer you stay down, the harder it is to get back up. You'd eventually get comfortable staying down and feeling defeated, but that's not where you'd really like to be now, is it? If you do have a clear goal in mind, good! Take some time to recover and regain your bruised ego or shaken confidence but never lose sight of your end game. 

You may change your strategies, there is more than one way to do something. Maybe you've heard of or know some aspiring singers/dancers who get rejected on their first try. They might hear awful remarks from the judges, they might cry onstage or backstage but that's how life is - there are things in life that you might not get especially if you quit too soon. But if you have that fire inside of you and you let it burn until you get what you want, even if it means you have to wait, then you would probably get it. Maybe not exactly the way you want it, it could actually be better than what you expected. Now, have you seen the same aspiring singers/dancers make a comeback? If you're lucky, you might even see a footage of their before and after auditions. What have you noticed? There's something different, right? I don't know about you but that inspires every living cell in my body. I don't usually cry watching drama shows but I weep like sh*t when I watch singing or dancing competitions with backstories. That moment when they realize that their efforts finally paid off, that's just golden! I'll bet that they spent days and weeks thinking about what they did wrong the first time, but I'm pretty sure they spent more time trying to be a better version of themselves before getting back onstage. Do you hear what I'm saying now? Rejection = Motivation.

#3 See it as a redirection  

I'm going to use my real-life experiences again to make my point on this one. After graduating from college, I didn't get a callback from the very first company where I've had my very first job interview because I think I asked way too many questions during the first interview. According to my best friend who was in the same room that time, I dominated the interview. I came on way too strong for a newbie. I spent the next few months reviewing for my license examination without a job. You can't imagine the amount of self-pity I've had knowing that most of my batch mates are already earning money and I'm living the life of an educated bum. But after I got my teaching license, I eventually applied for the American company where my sister used to work, I had to wait for a few months to get an interview and when I finally had it along with the cool tests which I passed, I wasn't accepted because I failed in the medical test. The doctor said in his very calm voice that I have tuberculosis, which was so surprising given the fact that I am not a smoker. Can you imagine the face I made in front of the doctor that time? I was 20 years old then, I was young and healthy, or so I thought. I usually can't hit high notes when I sing but that time, I was able to say "WHAT?!" in the highest possible note within the alto range. I felt like a perfectly hit piñata for about two minutes before I was able to ask the doctor "What do I do next?" 

Nutshell, I was asked to re-apply after going through at least 6 months of medication. And I did. It took a load of patience for me to wait to get another shot. When I got back, I had to go through the whole process again. In 2009, I was able to get in and that was my very first job as a professional. I became a customer service representative for VISA.

But that wasn't the only time I had to wait for a long time to get a job that I want. In 2011, I applied at the number one Korean Online English company here in my country. Their office is located in one of the most popular buildings in the city where I'm currently living. I'm going to cut it short again, but I didn't get a job there on my first try and I didn't even know why. It's been years but I still have their rejection letter saved in my email. But, five years after, they hired me. It was the same girl, just a little bit wiser. 

What happened to me between those months and years of waiting? I tried to find myself. I did the things that would distract me from feeling crappy about not getting what I want. Eventually, I found myself having fun doing those things that I thought were just distractions. I picked up new hobbies, I visited new places, I read more books, I wrote more about my life and how I'm feeling, I worked for other companies, I met new people and I learned new skills. When the timing was right and I was ready, I got what I wanted. It wasn't easy, but the journey sure was fun! Little by little, I learn more about myself and most importantly, I get to test how strong I really am and how much faster it takes for me to bounce back now that I know better.

I still feel crappy at times, yeah! But I've gotten used to the cycle and I have somehow accepted that when it happens, when I feel rejected, it only means that I am trying to step out of my comfort zone because I am seeking growth. Now, I know that even if I don't get what I want, I know that I am being redirected somewhere, most of the time somewhere better!

How about you? How do you deal with rejection? I would like to hear your thoughts about this thing as well. Hit me up in the comments' section below and I'll get back to you as soon as I can!